Staring

Tonight I'm finding it hard to take my eyes off the boys. I find myself creeping into their room repeatedly just to see them there laying in their sleep. The quiet and peacefulness. Their innocence and contentment. Its evident the personality differences tonight. Z lays there, arms stretched straight out, some how still managing to hold onto his blankie though you can tell he was in the process of kicking them off when he fell asleep. G on the other hand grasp his blankie tight and has his face buried into it. It isn't always so clear. G occasionally sleeps like Z, and every now and then Z feels it necessary to block out the world and bury his face under the blankies.

I am amazed when I look at them. Overwhelmed, in fact. These charming, adorable, loving babies are mine? When they look at me I see trust and love in their eyes. Am I truly deserving of this? How did I get so blessed to have these miracles. The road to this point definitely was not easy. There were days and weeks that it felt endless and impossible. And I was ready to give up, no energy left to fight any longer. Seeing them laying there tonight I am so thankful that I didn't give up. That M was convinced it would be worth it all. And that I listened to him. I am so thankful that God has blessed us and given us the opportunity to be parents to these wonderful little boys.

People often ask if we'll have more children. And the answer is I don't know. We both would love, love to have another one (or two if you ask me!). I just am not sure its in our future. With the boys and where we'll be living for the next few years, it may make it difficult if we have to repeat this same journey. I do know that what ever is "in the cards" for us, whether it be more children or not, my heart is full and bursting. I am honored, blessed, amazed, and awestruck to be G&Z's mommy.